There is nothing more powerful than pinpointing what is really going on. If one is going through abuse, mental abuse to be specific, they would feel there is something terribly wrong. Our minds like to justify our feelings, so with the available information, they would come up with “rationalizations” that sometimes can be anything but true. Being misled is particularly experienced during abuse because abusers usually perform what is called by “gas-lighting”.
We all have seen people treated horribly in some relationships. And you can only wonder why he/she are still in that bad situation, why wouldn’t they just move on, get divorced, move out… anything to stay away from that undeserved treatment! But it is like mind-washing, they are being manipulated. This manipulation can be so profound that the victim would lose touch with reality. They would doubt their thoughts and their own memories. Their suggestibility would be high that they would adopt their abusers’ words, thoughts and memories.
It is like hijacking the brain. Sounds unbelievable? It is! If you want to give it a thought, just think about how the brain knows what it knows now. It seems to rely on input to form its perception of reality. What if this process was interfered, every single time, over the years and by those who you deeply trust. Those people who you believe that they are there to help “assisting you” understand life. What if they provided evidences – usually these “evidences” are false ones that LOOK true, especially when your mind is desperate for justification for the immense stress it is feeling. Sometimes these explanations are presented at specific times, when you are vulnerable, to increase the chance of taking them for granted without questioning. This includes when one is sleep deprived or at intimate moments.
Then you start believing that you are truly flawed. You are the source of anything bad happening to you. You, and only you, are the reason you are feeling so sad. In fact, you are crazy. There is no way to “fix you”. That person is there because no one else would be. They are sacrificing their lives to help you. It is bigger than you can comprehend. You just need to trust them more and not to doubt them. They know. You don’t.
For that bs this blog was named it IS abuse.
We will go through some situations that might sound familiar to you and we will discuss the best ways to deal with them. So stay tuned.
For more information about gas-lighting, you will find many resources. This is a good one too: